


Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? (Well I've been afraid of changing, 'Cause I've built my life around you)

by supernxva23



Series: more than meets the eye (breathe, carrie, breathe) [6]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Character Death, DID ANYBODY ORDER SOME CARRIE JULIE BACKSTORY, Dirty Candy (Julie and The Phantoms), KIDS DONT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE, Lack of Communication, Pre-Series, This Is Sad, also yes this is carrie's side, because insecurities my dude, carrie deflects emotions by being rude, carrie forgets how to function like a human being, carrie has abandonment issues, even bffs, i am a julie molina stan first and a carrie redemption stan second, i feel like i have to say it again so, i will not tolerate any julie hate, is it really a treat though, it's julie's mom, it's my fic canon and i get to decide how sad it is, it's sad kids, julie has a side too that ill maybe cover in a later fic, take care of youselves, you can have the friendship breakup fic as a treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26744818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernxva23/pseuds/supernxva23
Summary: Months go on, and she's doesn’t recognize Julie anymore.  The girl who used to seem like she was made of sunshine wanders the school halls in a trance, going through the motions.---Wonder what happened between Julie and Carrie?
Relationships: Carrie Wilson & Flynn, Carrie Wilson & Julie Molina, Flynn & Julie Molina
Series: more than meets the eye (breathe, carrie, breathe) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1938343
Comments: 8
Kudos: 114





	Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? (Well I've been afraid of changing, 'Cause I've built my life around you)

**Author's Note:**

> i think i peaked with this fic.

###  “You two used to be friends.”

Yeah, she knows, she was there. 

Julie was the sister she never had. The Molina household was her second home. After her mom left, her house just felt cold. But Julie’s place was so warm and full of love. Julie Molina was her best friend, and for a long time, her only friend.

Their friendship started simply by a sharing of colored pencils in first grade, which led to bonding over musician parents, then to a shared love of music in general. And so, a friendship was born. Sleepovers out in Julie’s moms’ studio. Weekends spent doing homework, taking dance breaks to keep from falling asleep trying to understand math equations.

Monthly spaghetti dinners with Julie’s family. Joining in on movie nights, taking up the responsibility of bringing snacks, only to end up bringing enough of them to last the next ten movie nights. Carrie having the longest hair that Julie had ever seen, prompting her to perform a dramatic rendition of “rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair!!”, with Carrie stood in the loft of the studio, Julie below her, reciting the words while her parents watched, cracking up at the girls’ failed attempts to keep straight faces. 

The rare evening spent at Carrie’s house, her dad’s schedule finally freeing up enough to ask Carrie if she’d like to invite her friend she always talks about. A lot of the other girls at school only wanted to hang out with her because of her rich dad. Maybe that was why she hadn’t offered for Julie to spend time at her house, trying to keep her away from that part of her life for as long as she could. But she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to spend time with her dad, and she invited Julie over. 

A small part of her was scared that if Julie saw all of this, she would turn out to be just like everyone else. That her one true friend wouldn’t be who she thought they were. But Julie came over, met her dad, and three of them had a good night. Things didn’t change. Carrie didn’t think she’d ever been happier to know that Julie Molina really was one of a kind. No one could hold a candle to her.

When Carrie told Julie that she thought the new boy, Nick, was cute, Julie had shyly agreed, and both girls promised to never let a boy come between them. When the anniversary of the time Carrie’s mom left came around, you would find her in the studio, being held by Julie, steaming mugs of hot chocolate left by Julie’s mom sat on the table in front of them. Her cries subsiding as Julie runs her fingers through hair, knowing her friend well enough to know that a small action meant more than words ever could. 

When Julie got an F on her last history test, Carrie made it her mission to create a color-coded notes and helped her study so she would never have to see that depressed look on her friends’ face again. To see when school ended, running up to Carrie with a wide-toothed grin, proudly presenting her make-up test sporting B-. ( because even Carrie didn’t ace that test, she hates history, and she can’t perform miracles.)

Carrie teaching Julie a routine she’d learned from her last dance class, because Julie only had a passing interest towards it. At least not enough to go to one herself, but still wanting to try, knowing that Carrie would never make fun of her if she messed up or took more than five tries to get a particularly difficult section down. Carrie always acted like a big sister, even though Julie was older by a month.

Precious nights when Julie’s mom let them rifle through her chest of old outfits she used to wear when she was in bands. Carrie, tripping in the too-big butterfly boots, and Julie, wearing a beautifully jeweled jacket. Both of them with their hairbrush microphones, putting on a show for Julie’s mom, going from serenading each other to screaming lyrics into the others face. Ending in a back to back pose, arms crossed with the most serious faces on. Their one person audience tossing torn up paper like it was confetti, which turned out to need a team effort to clean up. 

Mornings sitting at the kitchen table, scarfing down one too many pancakes, resulting in syrup covered chins and a lifetime of silly pictures. In school, it was rare to see either of them alone. Wherever Julie was, Carrie was too. Sharing frowns when their next two classes weren’t with each other. Sitting in a quite nook at the end of a hallway for lunch, because they both found the cafeteria just too loud. 

One day as Carrie waits in their lunch spot, she looks up to Julie walking toward her, with a girl she’s never seen before, trailing a step behind her. Julie introduces her to the new girl, Flynn, saying that it’s her first day and she offered to show her around school. Carrie smiles her way, not surprised in the slightest that Julie would see someone in any form of distress and offer a helping hand. She’s glad though, as Flynn joins them for lunch, quiet and shy until Carrie tells her how cute her cheetah print socks are, then like someone flipped a switch, Flynn’s face lights up and they bond over their love of cheetah print everything. Months later, and Flynn is still around, seemingly content with being around the two girls.

Their duo slowly shifting into a trio, Julie and Flynn gelling like they’ve known each other forever, finding that they have similar humor. It’s not like Carrie didn’t like Flynn, she did, she just didn’t click with her like Julie did. She enjoyed her company, especially when Julie was out for a whole week with the flu. Carrie wouldn’t feel weird if their conversation faded into silence. She was fine with hanging out with either of them alone, but when they were all together, it was hard. 

Weekend sleepovers now included Flynn, who seemed lost whenever Carrie and Julie would reference an inside joke, but still smiled along with her friends. As time went on, Carrie wanted to explore some more performing. She took more dance classes in the summer, leaving Julie and Flynn to their own devices, still trying to find time to spend with them. 

When she asked Julie if she wanted to have a movie night, just the two of them, because it had been too long and Carrie finally had some free time, Julie had sadly told her that she and Flynn had already made plans to go to a concert of a band Carrie wasn’t really a fan of. Julie invited her to come along, but Carrie had booked out time in a dance studio, so they made loose plans to do it another time. But things happen. People get busy, and interests change.

Their classes together were fewer now, as school started up again. Julie opting to take art class with Flynn first semester, instead of theater with Carrie. She couldn’t be mad, even though school was turning into the only time they would see each other. Lunches together turned into Flynn and Julie reminiscing about what they did the weekend before, and now it was Carrie’s turn to be the one who wasn’t in on the inside jokes. It hurts, but Julie’s happy, and Carrie doesn't have time to be sad, she’s got rehearsal.

She manages to free her schedule for Julie’s birthday, gifting her a necklace with Julie’s name in gold. The warmth of the hug she received made her realize how cold she had felt these past year. Summer comes around again, and Carrie finally had time to spend with Julie. She tells Julie about her idea of Dirty Candy, and Julie reassures her and tells her that it sounds amazing and encourages her to do it. She shows her a few routines she’d choreographed, asking Julie for her feedback on which one was the best, and Julie ending up helping her pulling the best parts from each one into a brand new routine, making it perfect.

Julie, in turn, nervously asks Carrie if she would listen to a song she was currently working on with her mom, leaving to Carrie speechless when she hears it. Even though it's only 1/3 finished, it’s stunning. She hugs Julie, thanking her for sharing it with her and tells her how amazing she is. 

Summer ends, and so does Carrie’s free time. With barely any time to sleep, Carrie puts every moment she has into auditioning and picking girls for Dirty Candy. Choreographing routines, writing songs, scrapping them and starting over again. Only seeing her friend in the halls, her lunchtime now used to get ahead of schoolwork so she wouldn’t fall behind with all the time she’s putting towards DC. The year goes on in a blur, the two friends who were joined at the hip only have time to smile and wave at each other as they pass by in the halls. Her place by Julie’s side now taken up by Flynn.

She doesn’t have the headspace to think about how much she missed Julie. Waves and smiles from Carrie turn into glances and weak attempts to brighten her tired face. Months go by, and she starts to harden. The industry she wanted in is brutal. Trying to get Dirty Candy out there and successful was the most difficult thing she’s ever had to do. Julie and Flynn make their way to the first few shows they get into, but eventually she stopped seeing their faces in the crowd.

So Carrie pushes everything inside, making herself seem indestructible. 2018 is a few months in already, and she feels a tug at her heart she catches a glimpse of brown curls at the end of the hallway after class. They don't talk like they used, but Julie still gives her sad soft smile the few times the pass each other. But Carrie doesn’t have the time to worry, or so she thought.

2019 starts and one late night, a call comes in from Julie. She’s crying and that’s all Carrie needs to hear before she’s pulling on shoes and biking her way to the Molina home. She drops her bike, running to the front door, only for Ray to answer, his face sullen, he nods in the direction of the studio, saying that he's glad she’s came. And so, she’s off. 

Bursting into the studio, she finds Julie curled up on the floor in front of the couch, shaking violently and breathing fast. Carrie makes her way over, easing Julie hands from their tight grip on her hair, and asks her what’s wrong. Julie tries to catch her breath, choking out the words, “She’s gone. My mom, she’s… she’s dead.” Carrie’s hearts drops to her stomach. ‘No no no no no no no…“ she thinks. She almost breaks down there, but Julie is right in front of her, crying because she’s just lost her mom. So, she thinks back to when Julie held and comforted her when she was missing her own mom. She swallows back her pain and slides in next to Julie, maneuvering her childhood friends’ head onto her shoulder, and wraps her arms around her, like she’s holding her together.

Julie cries into Carrie and Carrie stays quiet as silent tears that can’t be held back make their way out. She can’t believe she’s lost another mom, but it’s Julie’s mom, so her hurt matters more. Even if the ache Carrie feels in her chest hurts almost more than it ever has before. They sit in the studio for what feels like hours, Carrie eventually herding Julie onto the sofa, her head resting in Carrie’s lap as she finally drifts off with tearstains on her cheeks.

Another hour goes by and Flynn appears at the door. Her and Flynn share a sad smile. Carrie doesn’t want to leave, but she has rehearsal tomorrow for a very important gig for Dirty Candy, she can’t miss it. She can leave Julie in Flynn’s capable hands. She gets ambushed with a hug from Flynn before she can slip out of the door, telling Carrie to come back when she can, Julie needs them. Carrie says she’ll try and makes her way home. 

She crawls into bed and can’t hold it any longer. Glad for once that her dad was out of town, loud sobs rack her body as she mourns for the mother she always wished was hers. She cries harder over losing Julie’s mom than she did her own, and that just makes it hurt more. 

If any of the girls notice her red puffy eyes during rehearsal the next day, they don’t say a thing. Flynn texts her to come see Julie, but she’s swamped. And if Julie really needs her, then she’d call herself. But Julie never does. It’s always Flynn texting her until too many of her texts go unanswered by Carrie. Carrie watches from the sidelines as Julie closes in on herself. She stops singing. She doesn’t touch a piano, and Carrie gets it. 

Grieving sucks. But when weeks turn into months, she’s over it. Julie is talented and she shouldn’t let her grief hold her back, she should channel it into music. Months go on, and she's doesn’t recognize Julie anymore. The girl who used to seem like she was made of sunshine wanders the school halls in a trance, going through the motions. And Julie never reached out to her. Carrie can’t believe it, so she starts despising Julie. 

She becomes cruel towards her, hopes that maybe would knock some sense into her. Everyone walks around on glass around Julie, waiting for her to snap. But Carrie eggs her on. But the thing she realizes trying to do this, is that Julie never asked her, knowing how she had latched on to Julie’s mom, if she was okay. Carrie didn’t have anyone there for her and she made it through just fine. 

It made Carrie think that Julie wasn’t the friend she thought. So be it. Carrie doesn’t need Julie Molina. Maybe if she believed that hard enough, it would be true. Ignoring her could only do so much, so snarky insults started to fall too easily from her mouth. She’ll keep her guard up around everyone, and ridicule Julie so she doesn’t get ensnared by her emotions again. 

She'll breathe in deep, and hold her head high. If she acts like she doesn’t care, maybe it’ll stick. And she thought it had finally worked, because with all the acting she’d been doing, it scared her that she'd gotten pretty good at it. She doesn’t need Julie Molina, she doesn’t need anyone.

Right?

**Author's Note:**

> i am making myself take a break after this one.  
> thanks to all of you who have read these fics.  
> new headcanons include:  
> -carrie giving that gold julie necklace to her for her birthday  
> -julie calling carrie rapunzel when they were young  
> fic title from Landslide by The Chicks (bc its my fave version fight me)  
> taking a break from writing, so see y'all later  
> as always, <3
> 
> -rose/nova


End file.
